Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
