I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
