shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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