fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
