And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
