I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
