What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He? As in you personified your dick?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize