Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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