I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
