Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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