I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
