I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
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