I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
