omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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