No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize