I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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