Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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