good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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