I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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