I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i think my tv is drunk
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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