is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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