I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
