why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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