How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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