The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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