ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
