No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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