so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize