dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
