I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize