i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
It's just like the Real World with babies
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
