I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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