She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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