never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
