I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
