i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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