I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
