New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
