There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
