Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
