Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(206): View more from Washington

I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole

(425): View more from Washington

There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian

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(828): View more from North Carolina

you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie

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(353): View more from

I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing

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(765): View more from Indiana

Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?

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(703): View more from Virginia

The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.

(703): View more from Virginia

The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.

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(248): View more from Michigan

We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"

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(201): View more from New Jersey

...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.

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(216): View more from Ohio

They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.

(216): View more from Ohio

Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n

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