So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
