You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
