i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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