I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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