I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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