You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
