her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
