I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
