the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
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