the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
