I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
