I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
