Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
