i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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