so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
