Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
