Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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