I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
