It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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