At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
