Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
