my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
