Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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