Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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