my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
