i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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