did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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