If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
