i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
