Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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