I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
